The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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