Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
