I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
