We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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