i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
