You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize