And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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