I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Randomize
