We're facebook friends in real life
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
