Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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