Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
