hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
