if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
two words: eviction party
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize