I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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