You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I need to calm my uterus...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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