I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
