Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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