Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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