omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize