I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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