I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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