Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Too much gin, very little bucket
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
