the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
