o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
