there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
