I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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