i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
