Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
