the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
