i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
