if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
