We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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