We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
