susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And then my night got REAL pukey
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
