You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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