yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
