I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
