i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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