I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
