Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
