How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
this just has baby written all over it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
