So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
