Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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