I look better un-naked...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
