Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
