ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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