I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
