Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
