i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
