After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
