holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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