well you can't waste a boner
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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