in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just had sex on a roof
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
