she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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