Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
