he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
