I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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