gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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