He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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