i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
