so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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