Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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