I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
