Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
