All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
