well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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